How to stay motivated when nothing is going well

Just another day as an Engineering Manager

It’s Wednesday afternoon. Nothing is going right. ☹️

A new project just landed but the requirements are vague at best. Your team’s current work is stuck waiting on dependencies. You have more work than people to do it, and someone just asked for a report you don’t even know how to generate.

You look at your to-do list. It’s exactly the same as this morning. Actually, it has three more items now. Everything is a work in progress. You don’t feel any closer to your goals.

Sound familiar?

If you’re an Engineering Manager, you know these days well. They leave you tired and demotivated at the end of the day. It’s hard to see a better future and it could all feel like your fault. How do you push through when everything feels stuck?

1. Don’t beat yourself up

If your brain works like mine, it will remind you of all the days you were in a similar situation. Your mind will selectively present you with examples that you suck. This is where self-doubt begins.

“Why does this always happen to me?”
“Am I a bad manager?”
“Is this the end of my career?”

Stop adding shame on top of your existing frustration. Not everything that goes wrong is your fault. Some problems are systemic. Some are just bad luck. And some are the result of a hundred moving pieces, none of which you control.

The best way I’ve found to snap out of this spiral is to coach myself the way I would a teammate. If a friend or colleague were in this exact situation, what would I tell them? How would I cheer them up? What questions would I ask to help them move forward?

Now, say those things to yourself. Be your own coach.

2. Step away and reset

When nothing is going well, it’s very tempting to work harder and longer. To keep pushing until something moves. I found it hard to log off with unresolved issues as well.

Now with a toddler in the house, I don’t have a choice. In the evening, I take him to the park. The moment I step into that world of play and games, work problems fade into the background.

And when I come back, I often have a better ability to think through the situations. A couple more options come to mind, that hadn’t before. I may see a path forward.

You don’t need kids to step away. Take a walk. Cook something. Play an instrument. Rant to a trusted friend. Anything that pulls your mind completely out of work for a little while.

You may not discover a magical solution during this reset period, but you can break free from overthinking.

(That said, I still wake up at 4am sometimes, replaying every problem in my head and trying to solve them.)

3. Zoom in to find small wins

Not every day comes with big victories. Some days, you have to look for the little things.

A few months ago, I spent an entire day in an incident call. The whole time, dev teams were arguing and asking for a solution. Every five minutes felt like a new crisis. I kept the teams informed. At the end of the day, I felt drained. I had nothing to show for my work.

A couple days later, my team member thanked me for being there in that incident and taking all the pressure. He said he learned how to communicate in these type of situations.

What had seemed like a wasted day, was actually useful to build a great team culture. It wasn’t a big milestone. But it mattered.

Even on bad days, there’s something good. Maybe your team supported each other. Maybe your manager had your back. Maybe you learned what not to do next time.

Find those small wins. They add up.

4. Zoom out to the big picture

Not every day is a win. Not every week is a win. But zoom out.

A few years ago, I was leading a painful, months-long migration. Every week felt like a new setback. Edge cases, delays, user complaints. It felt never-ending.

Now in hindsight, it’s feel like a small project on my career timeline. At the time, it felt massive. Now, it’s just a story.

Most problems feel huge when you’re in them. But a month from now? A year from now? You’ll barely remember.

So ask yourself: Will this matter in a year? If not, don’t let it steal today’s energy.

---

Wrapping it up

Motivation comes from progress. No matter how stuck you feel, find one thing you can push forward. But to be able to make that progress you have to first get out of your own way. That means,

✅ Not blaming yourself for everything.
✅ Stepping away to reset.
✅ Finding small wins.
✅ Focus on the big picture.

Once you’re in the mindset, you can think tactically.
- The project that’s blocked? Inform everyone and officially pause it.
- The vague requirements? Set up a quick meeting to clarify.
- The to-do list? Pick the easiest thing and knock it out.

Management is messy. Staying motivated with all the challenges can be hard. But you can learn how to handle them without losing yourself in the process.

Over the years, I have become more resilient by facing more of these situations.

---