Say Goodbye to Awkward Performance Reviews

Make most out of this awkward formality

It’s that time of year again! Awkward performance review season.

It reminds me of school days. The teacher handing out grades for the year with some general comment like “can do better”. At least we don’t have parents watching over our shoulders.

But as a manager, judging other adults and delivering that judgment face-to-face can feel just as uncomfortable. Unlike schools, there is no clear formula to calculate ratings or measure contributions, especially in tech.

No matter what you do, there is always someone whose self-assessment doesn’t align with yours. They highlight the exceptional work and you sit there trying hard not to roll your eyes.

As an EM, how do you make these meetings less awkward? How can you deliver honest feedback without coming off as a jerk? And most importantly, how do you make these conversations productive and forward-looking?

Let’s see how what you can do as an EM.

1. Feedback Shouldn’t Be an Annual Surprise

If the performance review meeting is the first time you’re discussing someone’s performance all year, that’s a problem. No wonder it feels awkward.

So many things can happen during the year. If a team member solves a challenging bug, appreciate it immediately. If they stumble during a team presentation, talk about it while the memory is fresh. Waiting until the end of the year to share all feedback at once is overwhelming and ineffective.

Frequent check-ins help ensure alignment and give your team members the opportunity to course-correct as they go. I do 1:1s every 2 weeks and do a formal check-in once a quarter.

Action Step:
Schedule regular performance conversations throughout the year. Use these sessions to discuss wins, challenges, and areas for growth. Don’t forget to document them.

2. Align on Expectations

One reason performance reviews go off the rails is different perceptions of what success looks like. A direct report might see their work as “exceeding expectations,” while you see it as meeting the bare minimum.

If what you expect isn’t clear to them, misalignment is obvious.

Start by defining success clearly for every role. For example, what does “meets expectations” look like for a junior engineer compared to a senior one? What does “exceeds expectations” mean? Use concrete examples to make these standards clear and less subjective.

Action Step:
Create a clear framework for ratings and share it with your team. Revisit it regularly to ensure everyone is aligned. No framework is perfect, but at least be transparent of how you’re evaluating them.

3. Let Them Lead the Conversation

Start the review by asking your team member to share their self-assessment. This has two benefits:

• It gives you insight into how they perceive their performance.

• It reduces the need to rehash areas they’ve already identified as challenges.

If they already acknowledge a gap, there’s no need to pour salt in the wound. Instead, focus on solutions and how to move forward.

Secondly, you can mirror their language so it feels more collaborative rather than confrontational. This one time I had prepared a feedback for a team member “I see you getting frustrated by this new change”. But when he shared it first with me, he said “This new thing annoys me”. I quickly switched to, “I see you getting annoyed by this new change.”

Action Step:

• Begin the review with, “How do you think this period went? What do you feel went well, and where do you see room for improvement?”

• Take notes as they speak to incorporate their perspective into your feedback.

4. Focus on Behavior Change

The goal of a performance review isn’t to vent your frustrations or unload a laundry list of complaints. It’s to inspire actionable change.

Identify the most critical areas for improvement and frame feedback in a way that encourages growth. The more specific you can go with a recent example, the more it registers for them.

Recently, instead of saying “Your communication is terrible and you need to get better,” I prepared the following message for a team member.

“In yesterday’s standup, when I asked about a ticket, you mentioned you couldn’t work on it because you were handling two new issues. Then you started explaining the new issues in detail. That derailed the conversation. In the future, try to close the loop on the original topic first, then flag new issues if needed.”

One focused change at a time is more achievable and impactful than an overwhelming list of critiques.

Action Step:
Identify the one or two areas that will have the greatest impact and frame them as opportunities for growth.

5. Share Their Strengths Too

It’s easy to focus solely on areas for improvement, but that can make employees feel like nothing is going well. Everyone has strengths. Don’t take those for granted. Acknowledging them makes them feel valued.

Remember that strengths and weaknesses often go hand in hand. For example, someone who excels at attention to detail might take longer to complete tasks exactly because of that. Recognizing and balancing these traits ensures that growth doesn’t come at the expense of what makes them valuable.

Action Step:
Highlight specific strengths and explain how they contribute to the team’s success. Pair this with feedback on how balancing or building on these strengths could drive even greater outcomes.

I recommend you and your team to take this saboteurs assessment which shows which of your strengths can get into your way.

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Wrapping it Up

Performance reviews don’t have to be awkward rituals. With a thoughtful approach, you can use them to achieve better results and individual growth.

Here’s a quick recap:

• Make feedback ongoing. Don’t save everything for one meeting.

• Align on expectations. Define success clearly and revisit regularly.

• Start with self-assessment. Use their self-assessment as a starting point.

• Focus on behavior change. Offer actionable, specific feedback.

• Highlight strengths. Balance constructive feedback with recognition.

Above all, remember that you’re talking to a human being. Pay attention to the emotions and adjust. Don’t just focus on critiquing past performance but also guide future growth.

The next time you sit down for a performance review, think of it as a two-way conversation. Not a one-sided report card like your school days.

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