What Is Being An Engineering Manager Like
How I found the perfect metaphor to help my mom, and myself, understand the EM role.
“So now you have people working for you?” my mom asked when I told her about my new role as an engineering manager.
“Well, yes, no, kinda,” I struggled to explain.
For the next several days, I kept thinking about that question. She wasn’t wrong, but the reality is more complex than I could convey in that moment.
When I became a manager, the first thing that changed was my position on the org chart. The little bubble that represented me moved up in the diagram. Now I had bubbles both above and below me. This hierarchical shift is what my mom focused on, since it’s the most visible part of the transition.
The org chart doesn’t capture the complex, interdependent relationships between a manager and their team. I needed a way to visualize my new role that went beyond “having people working for me.” I wanted a metaphor that captured the following truths about the role:
It’s not about telling others what to do, but working together as a team.
It’s not about being smarter than everyone else, but having different responsibilities.
It’s about listening to people and tending to their needs.
It’s about keeping a pulse on what my team is doing and what’s happening around us.
It’s not about being “above” the team, but an integral part of it.
Sports Analogies Fell Flat
The conversation montage continues.
Mom: “So is it like being a cricket coach?”
Me: “Sort of, but as an EM, I’m part of the game, not just on the sidelines. And everyday is a game day”.
Mom: “So, more like the team captain?”
I was impressed! Who knew my mom was so into sports? But I still couldn’t quite agree.
Me: “Not really, because I’m not playing the game directly.”
I’ve never been great at sports, and now I was failing at sports analogies too. I needed something more relatable.
The Aha Moment!
A few months later, my family and I were on a long drive from Chicago to Mackinac Island. There were five of us in the car - my dad, mom, wife, and our 3-month-old son. I was behind the wheel.
My focus was on the road, the GPS, and the traffic, adjusting as needed. I had my favorite Bollywood playlist on.
“Can you play some Indian classical music instead of this garbage?” my dad interrupted my humming.
My wife, who had control of the phone, scrolled through playlists until my dad approved of one.
“The baby is waking up, I’ll lower the volume!” my wife said, quickly pointing at the windmills outside to break the awkwardness.
“Rest area in 2 miles! Loo break, anyone?” I yelled after a few minutes.
“Why don’t you pull over at a gas station instead? We can get some snacks, use the restrooms and refuel the car.” my mom made an excellent suggestion.
As I stretched my back at the gas station, waiting for the tank to fill, it hit me—the perfect analogy for an engineering manager’s role! 💡
An Engineering Manager Is Like The Driver
When we hit the road again, I couldn’t wait to share my newfound wisdom with my family.
“As an engineering manager, I’m like the driver of this car,” I explained, feeling like a modern-day Aristotle. “You all are part of my team, and this road trip is our project.”
My job is to navigate the road ahead, ensure the drive is smooth, keep everyone safe, and balance all of our needs. I’m responsible for adjusting the pace, taking breaks when needed, and making sure we all arrive at the destination together, safe and sound.
I’m not above anyone, but alongside everyone. I’m part of the same journey, just with a different set of responsibilities. And I don’t have to be good at everything, because I am not alone. I have all you guys.
And we rode into the sunset like one big, happy family!
So, the next time you look at an org chart, don’t let it define your relationship with your team. Visualize yourself as the driver on a shared journey, balancing the needs of everyone on board. And remember, you’re all headed toward the same destination. Happy journey!
⚠️ Of course, like all analogies, this one has its limits. Your team isn’t just along for the ride; they’re actively building, testing, and improving the “car.” And unlike the driver, you’re providing regular feedback on how they’re doing. Well, actually, Uber drivers do rate you, so maybe that part fits after all!
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