Where New Engineering Managers Fail
The three most common traps to avoid as a first time Engineering Manager
As a lead engineer, I had spent a lot of time honing skills that I'd need as an Engineering Manager. So when the opportunity to step into the role came up, I thought, How hard could it be?
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
The transition isn’t just a shift in responsibilities but a shift in mindset. You switch from being an expert in something to feeling like a fresher again. The confidence that defines your career up to that point is replaced with self-doubt. And that’s where you find yourself struggling.
Luckily for you, I will share how you can avoid the three most common pitfalls!
Not Accepting Yourself in the New Role
When I first became an engineering manager, it felt like an identity crisis. It was like I was pretending to be someone I wasn’t. The responsibility for other people and their work felt heavy. Not having tasks assigned on the sprint board felt directionless. On top of that, I was now managing my peers.
So I started downplaying my new responsibilities, trying to maintain the same old dynamics. I avoided giving honest and constructive feedback. I wanted them to like me. I wanted them to feel that I hadn’t changed.
If you don’t accept yourself in the new role, neither will the people around you!
Failing to accept yourself in this new role actually confuses your team and weakens your authority. They need a leader, not a friend who avoids the tough conversations. The team is looking up to you for directions. They need you to do your job!
How I Escaped This Trap
Reminded myself that I was given this role because my leaders believed in me. That served as my morale booster.
Played to my strength - building relationships. I set up regular 1:1s with each team member to build trust.
Framed my feedback as a way to help them improve and show that it came from a place of care.
Sought feedback from the team, not through direct questions but by revisiting situations together.
Identified areas that made me uncomfortable, such as handling performance conversations, and sought out courses or advice to improve.
Too Much Telling, Too Little Listening
In the beginning, I thought management was all about telling people what to do and how to do it. I thought I needed to have all the answers and provide them to my team.
So, in meetings, I’d start “thinking out loud” about implementation details and estimations. I dominated conversations, not realizing that my team had valuable insights and ideas I was overlooking. I wasn’t giving them the space to share.
Telling too much is a slippery slope because then your team expects you to do that every time.
They start to disengage. They realize they don’t need to think about problems or the solutions because you’re already doing it for them. It adds even more pressure on you to know all the answers. It prevents you from learning and growing in your role. This leads to missed opportunities for better solutions.
How I Escaped This Trap
Accepted that I cannot have all the answers. This one realization lifted the pressure to talk more.
Began showing that I valued inputs by letting them share their approach first. If something seemed off I’d ask follow-up questions.
Started asking more open-ended questions to encourage dialogue. Focused more on guiding the discussion.
Occasionally asked team members to come prepared to discuss specific topics or problems in meetings. Giving them time to think and write about issues led to richer conversations.
Struggling to Let Go of the Task
As a new manager, it’s easy to fall into the trap of doing everything yourself - especially when you know you can do it better or faster. It often feels simpler to just handle the small stuff yourself rather than delegate.
I struggled to let go too many tasks, trying to prove to my team that I was still technically sharp. That I hadn’t lost “the touch”. This was my imposter syndrome kicking in.
When you hold on to tasks, you prevent your team from learning and growing.
This approach is exhausting and counterproductive. You spread yourself too thin, trying to juggle your managerial duties with hands-on work. You’re leaving a trail of unfinished tasks for the team.
How I Escaped This Trap
Reminded myself that once upon a time it took me longer to do these tasks. I shouldn’t cut short their learning experience.
Set up guardrails, like assigning a lead or requiring documentation, for high-risk work.
Held knowledge-transfer sessions on areas I considered myself “the expert”.
Let the team handle their full workload, even the tough or tedious parts. It encouraged them to think of improvements rather than complaining.
The One Thing
If you take away one thing from this article, let it be this:
The transition isn’t just a shift in responsibilities but a shift in mindset. The quicker you accept yourself in the role, the sooner you'll sidestep the common pitfalls.
The transition from IC to EM is full of challenges. By being aware of the common traps you can navigate it successfully.
In my previous post, I emphasized on Self Awareness as a key for growth. Read how I built this skill.
Great insights on the mindset shift needed for Engineering Management—valuable advice for navigating the common pitfalls!